I want a man in black who can think in color.

-I want a man in black who can think in color.-

It has been so long since i actually asked myself what I wanted out of life. I have long since realized that I can indeed, survive without companionship. But i dont want to.

He is my weakness.

Its soo great to be able to stare into eyes not clouded by material wants. To be so close to someone soo different yet all the while knowing i cant have him is tearing me up inside.

Im not the person i used to be. So much has happened and it changed me but not for the better. I do nothing but complain when i really have no reason to. Even though everyone thinks things and dont say them, i do. I have no problem saying how i feel but my friends find that wrong and annoying. Im supposed to keep my mouth shut. I know i have to change if i want him but i dont think its fair. Its not right for someone to have to change who they are in order to be with the one they want. Yes my morals and ethics have changed, I want different things now and i view the world sorta different then i used to. How can people be so mad at me for that? There are still alot of things i see the same. but none of that matters.

I want him to love me for me. The way he used to. Im still BRITTANI. Im the same person i was in middle school, I just think with a more open mind and say everything i feel. Why does he hate this me so much? He thinks all i do is lie. I used to lie all the time when i was on drugs. I dont now. Dont get me wrong i keep alot of personal things inside because i dont know how to handle them, The type of things i used to be able to talk to him about. but everything is different we dont "talk" like we used to. Hes changed too. I dont know if we'll ever make it passed the point we're at. I dont know if he'll ever trust me and i dont know that we'll ever be able to "talk" again. but im praying so. I love him. He is my weakness. But I've changed myself for men too many times and even though my instint is to do whatever it takes and change w/e i have to. I dont know that i can do it again. Only time will tell.