Im getting used to this

I'm not even sure on what I'm supposed to do anymore,nothing seems right at all, it feels just like I'm sitting in stagnant water. I'm not moving anywhere, and I can't breathe. I don't know why this is so hard, and I don't know why everything has to remind me that I failed, but it's really starting to get to me.

I wish I could just go back in time, before my friends stabbed me in the back, and before I was left absolutely devastated, back before I learned to hate, when I was close to the man that promised me forever, back when I was happy all the time, and back before I knew what a broken heart felt like, before all the drugs. Time was so tangible.

It's hard to get away when you're afraid to leave the room you died in. My whole life was kept between the pages he set fire to on the funeral pyre. I don't understand why I feel so hurt, and why I feel so broken, when they say time will heal, how long are you supposed to wait? how many days do you have to fight back emptiness and martyrdom.

I used to have so many dreams, and I wanted to do such big things with my life, now it's getting harder and harder just to get to sleep at night, and it's getting even harder to wake up.
Maybe this is my fault for losing faith, or maybe it's because I believed in something that was never really there, but fuck what people say, seeing isnt believing; believing is seeing, and I saw everything, and all at once, I saw it all come crashing down.

I think it's safe to say, today, is not a good day.